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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365228">The Prisoner's Dilemma</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinner/pseuds/EternalSinner'>EternalSinner</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, As a himbo and a trickster can't do anything more than enforcing a stalemate, Byleth is chilling with Claude in Almyra, Edelgard has severe anxiety regarding being touched, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, No 5 year nap for you Byleth, Rhea's favorite pasttime is putting the clueless Emperor in her place, Takes place during the 5 year timeskip where Rhea is imprisoned in Enbarr, Until her favorite pasttime slowly turns into teaching the clueless Emperor how to Human, so no sexytimes any soon, sort of depiction of torture in the prologue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:35:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinner/pseuds/EternalSinner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Edelgard is forced to conclude she has been developing feelings for her prisoner, the former Archbishop of all people, she thinks that those feelings come with the appropriate amount of heart wrenching guilt and self-loathing.<br/>Rhea kindly takes it upon herself to steadily remind Edelgard she's very wrong about that.</p><p>The clueless Emperor, vastly more knowledgeable on warfare than love, hopelessly wrangles with herself trying to balance fighting a war for what she has believed in all these years while simultaneously trying to find a way to treat Rhea right, perhaps even save her from Edelgard herself.</p><p>Rhea isn't being very helpful and instead keeps telling her that any act of kindness from a captor to their prisoner is nothing but manipulation, abuse and an unfairness she doesn't want to be subjected to. In fact, she'd rather prefers to just be tortured then.</p><p>Edelgard's heart, which she had thought was numb by now, just keeps on hurting.</p><p>OR</p><p>Edelgard and how to correctly act on your growing feelings for your war prisoner without accidentally violating the treaties in the Geneva Conventions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edelgard von Hresvelg/Rhea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue- Don't look away.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the prologue is the only chapter where any torture is depicted, it's not explicit, written from Edelgard's perspective and nearly solely consists of her reactions and feelings to witnessing it, rather than me describing it. but just in case I thought I'd mention it.</p><p>The Geneva Conventions are sets of protocols and treaties on how to properly conduct international warfare, a large part of this contains how to treat prisoners of war, where using violence and cruelty against enemy prisoners is allowed if it's done to gain information and the like.<br/>Naturally, romancing your prisoner, or sleeping with them, is absolutely forbidden, as this fucks with their mind in ways no human deserves, despite how effective such things might be to actually get the information you seek. Power dynamics and ethics and stuff. </p><p>I know no Geneva exists in Fodlan but with their obsession with nobility and how to properly wage war and courtly behavior I am convinced they too have a set of rules on how to treat prisoners with (medieval era with magic) human decency. </p><p>Also I'm going to write this as healthy as possible, because writing healthy relationships with a not so healthy starting foundation is my jam. So no gas-lighting, excessive cruelty and unnecessary violence and the like.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disgust is what Edelgard feels for the woman who is currently being interrogated.</p><p>The woman screams, out of anger but still with a single tear rolling down her cheek. Out of sheer powerlessness, no doubt</p><p>It hurts having to to look.</p><p>Edelgard refuses to look away.</p><p>She's the Emperor, only here to watch, to oversee. That's what she tells others, what she tried telling herself. But she knows she's also here because it's her own burden, her own punishment, to see what her own people -those on the good side of the war- do to a prisoner, who Edelgard herself has condemned to this fate. A fate which resembles the fate Edelgard herself was condemned to in what now feels like a lifetime ago.</p><p>So Edelgard watches, makes herself watch, sometimes even forces herself to.</p><p>To remind herself that even people on the good side -on <em>her </em>side- can be ruthless. </p><p>To remind herself that no matter that what she's doing is ultimately all for the greater good, Edelgard is not a good person herself.</p><p>And because of that she deserves to watch, to see such pain being inflicted on another, like people once did to her in a similar way, in a similar setting.</p><p>She's standing in the shadow, a good amount of steps away from Rhea, who is chained in the center of the chamber, trapped on an iron chair with pale white magical light directly above her illuminating her, too bright for Rhea's comfort. Not bright enough to illuminate the whole chamber. </p><p>Rhea never looks at her, never even acknowledges her presence. </p><p>A flash of a spell, acid which makes the top layer of a persons skin burn, not burn <em>away, </em>just a scorching heat leaving nothing but angry red marks.</p><p>Rhea growls in rage, yet Edelgard can hear the twinge of desperation, of <em>pain </em>in the sound.</p><p>She resists the urge to wince and still she refuses to look away.</p><p>It’s disgust, she tells herself when she feels something tug at her heart. She’s disgusted for having to watch this monster masquerading as a human react with sounds of pain, pain only humans should feel, pain Rhea personally made so many humans feel.</p><p>She’s not human. She has no right to act like one.</p><p>An act. The remaining time Edelgard spends repeating that over and over in her mind.</p><p>It's an act, it's an act, she's <em>acting. </em></p><p>She has to be.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s pity, Edelgard tells herself roughly two months later, during the next time her advisors and researcher had found a solid enough reason to try and interrogate Rhea again.</p><p>Edelgard feels pity for having to watch Rhea, who once thought herself untouchable, a saint, if not plainly a Goddess of all of Fodlan, now reduced to an angry mess of growls and screams of rage.</p><p>Inside herself Edelgard feels her heart tug again, or maybe it’s clenching. She doesn’t know.</p><p>Most of the time she likes to believe her heart has gone cold.</p><p>Enraged, Rhea screeches something. Edelgard doesn’t understands the words.</p><p>Maybe because Rheas unstable and rushed ranting is too full of fury to be intelligible, there is no coherence in her voice or words.</p><p>Maybe because in her fury she unknowingly began using words from another language.</p><p>When the next spell hits Rhea she goes quiet after one last furious snarl.</p><p>Her eyes bleed fury.</p><p>Her eyes bleed tears.</p><p>Tears which make her look human to Edelgard.</p><p>It’s a trick, an illusion of a monster trying to evoke sympathy from her captors.</p><p>Edelgard grits her teeth, the only movement she permits herself, despite wanting to close her eyes, turn her head, flee until she can only hear Rhea's screams echoing in her head.</p><p>Rhea has no right to cry, even though the spell scorching her skin hurts, the pain amplified with a sensory illusion spell.</p><p>Edelgard has no right to look away, even though looking hurts with increasing agony.</p><p>And she begins to that thinks that 'pity' doesn't quite cover what she's feeling anymore.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s sympathy, Edelgard forcibly admits to herself some time later.</p><p>She doesn’t know exactly how many weeks have passed since Rhea’s last interrogation, at least over a month, perhaps even two. She’s too busy, every crowded day feels disconnected from the next, despite them blending into each other, making her life feel like a blur of meetings, pain, war, nightmares, more meetings, fighting, agony and other thing's she's probably forgetting, or trying to forget.</p><p>But she feels sympathy for Rhea, she's certain of that now.</p><p>She doesn't like admitting it to herself, her only solace is knowing Rhea would be disgusted if she knew Edelgard felt sympathy for her.</p><p>Rhea deserves this, Edelgard reminds herself. She brought it upon herself.</p><p>She hears Rhea make a sound which started in rage and ended in a pained wail.</p><p>No one deserves this, Edelgard corrects herself. But if Rhea won't talk then this is the consequence.</p><p>She feels that pain in her heart again, now starting to become familiar but still utterly impossible to describe.</p><p>It causes her to feel unfamiliar.. urges though. Flashes of things she wants to do, to soothe Rhea's pain. To stop it all together.</p><p>To take her far away from all of this.</p><p>She fell for Rhea's trickery, Edelgard harshly tells herself, crushing all her <em>wants. </em></p><p>How could she not? What she's seeing is a woman who is slowly,-<em>painstakingly slowly-</em> losing a battle against pain, exhaustion and endless agony, with only her endurance as her weapon to fight back with.</p><p>It's not a battle of who wins, it's a battle of how long Rhea's endurance lasts.</p><p>And when Edelgard looks at her now she can see that, despite her endurance not having dwindled all that much, Rhea looks weary, lost and cloaked in an aura that seems to tell others she doesn't deserve any of this.</p><p>But that's what Rhea looks like, sounds like, acts like, with her silent tears and increasingly hollow screams.</p><p>That's not what Rhea feels like on the inside, Edelgard keeps telling herself. Rhea is a monster and monsters don't feel things.</p><p>Maybe if Edelgard tells this to herself enough times she'll believe it. She knows better.</p><p>Another flash of a spell, another cry of agony.</p><p>Edelgard's heart hurts <em>so</em> much.</p><p>The urge to cry rises in her, tightens her throat. She wills her body forcefully back under her control, her expression remains blank.</p><p>She doesn't look away, she doesn't have the right.</p><p>She deserves this pain more than Rhea does.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It's empathy then, Edelgard concludes, many months into the war.</p><p>Empathy because she too went through this, slowly being worn down both mentally and physically by her captors.</p><p>The mental agony is the worst. You start wondering why your body hasn't died yet, why it continues to endure so much despite your silent wishes it wouldn't.</p><p>Your mind and body start warring among themselves.</p><p>But you're too weary and worn down to have the strength to consider ending it yourself.</p><p>Empathy means recognizing other's feelings, that you understand they're in pain, in this case because Edelgard went through something similar she's now condemning Rhea to.</p><p>Which means Edelgard is admitting Rhea has feelings - that she's human, in her own way.</p><p>She finds herself wishing she had found a way to prevent herself to admit it.</p><p>Because it means that it's not just Rhea who is a monster, it means Edelgard is one too.</p><p>She had believed her heart had gone cold, hoped it would, at the very least.</p><p>Edelgard feels nothing but horror to discover it indeed has, that her heart has gotten so cold she turned herself into a monster.</p><p>Another sound from Rhea, they sound more weary, almost uncaring these days. </p><p>Still, it makes Edelgard heart ache, the only proof her heart hasn't gone so cold that she's unable to feel things.</p><p>She's a monster with a cold heart which cares for someone she's deliberately bringing nothing but pain.</p><p>And for what purpose?</p><p>For the greater good.</p><p>Her cold heart hates herself.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Winter is slowly settling in, it's not at it's peak yet but the nights are getting colder with each passing day.</p><p>Winter isn't a problem for Edelgard. It's even helpful from a tactical advantage. It slows down the war. No army wants to risk having a chunk of their soldiers dying from frostbite or hypothermia.</p><p>Yet Edelgard can't keep her thoughts from straying into the dungeons, deep underneath Enbarr, where there is a perpetual draft and moisture on the walls and ceilings. Edelgard can't stop thinking about the possibility of the moisture having frozen solid by now.</p><p>At least there won't be the sound of dripping in the dungeons any longer, she considers.</p><p>The thought brings her no solace.</p><p>Edelgard never visits the dungeons. An Emperor visiting them by herself would raise many eyebrows and several questions. </p><p>She wants to visit them, despite it being troublesome for her were she to do it.</p><p>She would have.</p><p>Buy she doesn't dare.</p><p>One particular cold morning Edelgard snaps.</p><p>'Snapping' by Edelgard's standards that is.</p><p>The dungeons, the <em>cell </em>Rhea has been held in all this time, Edelgard knows what it looks like. Four walls, a bed and a corner with the necessary things for Rhea to refresh herself and take care of basic necessities. </p><p>The blanket.</p><p>Edelgard can't stop thinking about the blanket. It's too thin, just a piece of white fabric, now likely worn down and torn, the whites going dull.</p><p>There are numerous spells woven into her cell and its immediate surroundings. They nullify her magic, stop her from being able to transform, weaken her and strenghten the walls and door to ensure Rhea has no chance to escape. </p><p>Edelgard knows those spells are slowly draining her.</p><p>Wonders if they make Rhea's body more frail, more susceptible to the elements.</p><p>She doesn't know if Rhea, being a dragon, actually suffers from the cold but she can't bear the thought that she might be cold while alone in that dark and drafty cell, with moisture on the walls and ceiling -maybe it's frozen now, it was such cold night after all.</p><p>Throughout that day she barks various orders to some of the people working under her. She makes it clear the prisoner is to be brought to a higher floor, an actual chamber with a queen sized bed,  one without draft, something to warm herself with, an actual bathroom, a desk with papers and pencils, and books. So many books, at least a tall and wide bookcase full.</p><p>Some people give her an odd look, silently questioning her why this sudden change.</p><p>Edelgard remembers the thin blanket in the cell and starts telling everyone to ensure she'll have better blankets, thick ones, several ones. Oh and pillows, a few at the very least.</p><p>Hubert had accompanied her through the day, following her every order without so much as a questioning look, but Edelgard know's he's silently drawing conclusions and will share these with her later.</p><p>The same spells which were woven into the dungeon cell are woven into the chamber, with a few more for good measure, and most of them are tied to her. If she wills it they evaporate, if she wants to enter they will let her.</p><p>If she dies they die along with her.</p><p>One of her subordinates, who feels more confident because of his current company consisting of several  like-minded others standing beside and behind him, finally has the courage to ask her what the reason is for the sudden relocation of the prisoner -and why all the unnecessary luxury?</p><p>Edelgard, concealed in her shroud of Emperor, explains the tactical advantage they'll have from now on. The prison's mind is withering away in the dungeons, with nothing to do, and her health is also failing, with the days getting so cold now. The prisoner needs to be sound of mind, we are after her knowledge after all, what she knows could be of great help against our enemies.</p><p>Then, Edelgard hesitates for a single moment. Only Hubert notices.</p><p>She adds that the jarring contrast between living a life of comfort and being dragged out of that life to be interrogated will likely weaken her resolve much more efficiently. Lull her into a sense of safety, so she can let her guard down and then strike her at her weakest.</p><p>Her subordinates seem content, impressed even. It sounds effective to them, practical. There is no cruelty or sadism in their expressions, it's merely one of the consequences of warfare after all.  In war it's operating on pragmatism and ruthlessness or risk having your enemies waltz over you, your lands and straight into the heart of your castle.</p><p>Edelgard dismisses them shortly after and leaves. </p><p>She needs to be alone.</p><p>Hubert finds her -as she expected- in less than an hour afterwards, while she's throwing up in a toilet. She chose one of the staff's toiletries, located on the lower south wing of the palace, which is practically abandoned these days. </p><p>It's where she lived with her siblings, after all.</p><p>He stays with her silently, somewhere behind her to her left with a respectful distance, until she's emptied her stomach and has freshened up.</p><p>Finally she dares to turn around and meet his eyes, they barely hold a hint of emotion, which means he saw right through Edelgard's earlier lies.</p><p>"For a long time I had been worried your heart had gone too cold, your Majesty," Hubert tells her quietly, with just a hint of care in his voice. "That you had lost sight of who and what you were doing all of this for and that no horror, bloodshed or agony made your heart clench in pain any longer."</p><p>Edelgard doesn't reply. She too had held such worries.</p><p>Hubert crosses his arms and suddenly worry flashes across his features. "Now I'm starting to believe your heart hasn't cold enough." He glances at her, takes her in from top to bottom and Edelgard can see the care he holds for her in his heart reflected his eyes. "Find a balance," he tells her. He's not one to talk back to her or tell her to do things so directly but she welcomes it and nods in gratitude. </p><p>He moves to turn around, to leave. Over his shoulder he speaks up again. "Whatever you do, protect your heart, Edelgard." He stills, both in his speaking and his walking. </p><p>With an uncharacteristic rawness in his voice he adds one more thing. "Please, don't let your heart break. ...not that."</p><p>With that he's gone.</p><p>It didn't sound like an order, nor a warning.</p><p>It sounded like a plea.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She's gone delusional. Edelgard doesn't have to tell herself this, she just <em>knows</em><em>. </em></p><p>It irked her Rhea didn't acknowledge her change in location, her <em>upgraded </em>living standards. Not even a glance. She doesn't even behave any different whatsoever.</p><p>Edelgard hates herself for having wanted Rhea's gratitude, the very thought that Rhea would express gratitude to her makes her stomach lunge. She's a monster, she doesn't deserve gratitude, especially not from the woman she's hurting so much, for who she is growing to care so much.</p><p>She's truly going delusional, and it's only going to get worse.</p><p>Because her cold heart heats up every time she looks at Rhea, who now looks weary, with bags under her eyes, pale and despite her immortality, seems older than she used to. Maybe it's the listless hair or dull shine in her eyes. </p><p>She doesn't behave listless though, she still snaps back with sharp words and undiluted anger when prompted. </p><p>But most of the pain she just lets happen these days.</p><p>And Edelgard, with her cold monster heart, wants to shield her from that pain each and every time. </p><p>She has to force herself to remain standing still, in the darkness along the edge of the chamber, or she'd be at Rhea's side in a heartbeat.</p><p>She has to force herself to remain quiet as well, having caught and stopped the formation of words in her throat -orders, barked in anger at those <em>daring </em>to hurt someone like she'd been hurt- moments before they would have slipped out several times now.</p><p>And each time she looks at Rhea and she feels that warmth in her icy heart her mind is assaulted with fantasies -<em>delusions, </em>she reminds herself harshly- of saving her from all of this. </p><p>Saving? Like she's some sort of hero?</p><p>The thought disgusts her, Edelgard is disgusted by herself. Even as an Emperor trying to free Fodlan from its oppressors she never once thought of herself as a hero. </p><p>She's never been anything more than a weapon, a weapon that hopefully will ultimately save more than it's currently destroying.</p><p>Weapons aren't supposed to feel.</p><p>So Edelgard is faulty, and has no right to think of herself as anything but a broken weapon, because she's feeling things.</p><p>Feeling so <em>many </em> things. And those feelings force flashes fantasies -<em>delusions, </em>Edelgard-  into her mind where she does save Rhea. Unshackles her, apologizes to her despite not wanting her forgiveness -she doesn't deserve it- take her hand to help her up and hold her.</p><p>Hold her close.</p><p>And kiss her.</p><p>Her heart, which had gotten so hot, instantly turns into solid ice once more, now colder than ever before.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It's love then, she finally stops denying to herself, barely two months into the second year of her war.</p><p>The thought makes her want to cry, but she doesn't, and she still doesn't look away either.</p><p>She doesn't deserve to love Rhea -or anyone at all for that matter. But despite how little Edelgard knows of love she understands with a glaring clarity that loving someone you've purposely hurt, worn down into exhaustion over this many months, whose humanity you have steadily violated beyond redemption like she has done is a crime if not one of the vilest sins.</p><p>Edelgard truly is a monster, then.</p><p>She watches and hears Rhea respond to yet another spell, it's clearly taking it's toll on her but she hardly seems to care, it's long since become routine for her these days. The times she's brought her aren't at all frequent, only when Edelgard's advisors give her a new purpose to interrogate her or when her researchers have come up with another spell that might just work.</p><p>They never work as intended.</p><p>But they do slowly take its toll on Rhea.</p><p>Who now finally begins to cry during this particular interrogation.</p><p>And Edelgard concludes that while she definitely doesn't deserve to love Rhea, she certainly deserves the agonizing pain that comes with doing so.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She's a faulty weapon, Edelgard suddenly remembers, sitting on her throne alone, surrounded by nothing but the darkness that comes with the dead of night.</p><p>She's an Emperor, a weapon, a tool, an instrument and a mechanism honed to perfection in order do something that will destroy herself in the end, for a future she will never be able to enjoy living in anymore, if she even lives to see it, that is.</p><p>But she's <em>faulty.</em></p><p>She loves. Loves the wrong person. The one she has hurt so vile and deeply that it a violation of her humanity and it makes Edelgard an irredeemable monster. The one woman she spent her whole live hating for being an inhuman monster, only to fall for the suffering human she saw inside her, making Edelgard the inhuman monster in turn..</p><p>She can't stop, she can't deliberately do anything that might impair their war efforts. She's the instrument that allows this to happen, it would fall apart without her.</p><p>Edelgard is also keenly aware she's more akin to a puppet than in ruler in many ways. If her other enemies, her current so called 'allies' would smell a hint of weakness on her, like <em>love </em>for example, they'd use it against her in a heartbeat, bend and force her to act to their will.</p><p>If they would discover she would have done anything to deliberately sabotage the war efforts they'd find other ways to bend her to their will, or just break her altogether. </p><p>Edelgard can't think of any more ways they could possibly break her, she's of the opinion that most of her humanity has been long gone, dead and buried. But she is certain they definitely can come up with new ways to break her, should she give them a reason.</p><p>She shivers at the thought.</p><p>Edelgard is an Emperor, who reigns over the lands and had countless armies under her command.</p><p>Edelgard is nothing but the face of a complicated machine, a machine set in motion long before she even came into the picture and if she wants to stay alive and create the future she truly believes will allow the people of Fodlan to find the strength to rid itself of its true oppressors -even if they'll see her as one among those- she has no choice but to keep moving in tandem, moving along within that machine which never stops, to know her place, know her purpose, know her limits.</p><p>But she's faulty, and in a way the Agarthans don't know of yet.</p><p>Faulty machines make slight errors, small insignificant things that no one notices, which might break down the entire machine in the long run. </p><p>It's the love which Edelgard is feeling that's faulty. </p><p>Love is a weakness, especially in a weapon.</p><p>So maybe she can find a way to use that love as her weakness.</p><p>To bring down herself, if needed.</p><p>Everything to find a way to free Rhea.</p><p>Free her from the weapon that is Edelgard, with her faulty heart and faulty love.</p><p>She knows if Rhea were to be set free or allowed to escape that in all likelihood she'll join the forces opposing the Empire, and this might just tip the war in their favor.</p><p>A vastly intolerable mistake the Emperor of Adrestia cannot permit herself to occur.</p><p>Emperor Edelgard is truly willing to sacrifice everything -including herself- for that future she believes in so strongly.</p><p>But the tiny fault in her heart has been there long enough now that it's gotten strong enough to allow her to sabotage herself in minuscule and unnoticeable ways, destroy herself from the inside. Perhaps it will affect the whole machine, if she can find enough ways to manipulate herself into exposing that weakness, make it bigger, weaken herself in the subtlest of ways. </p><p>Until the tiny fault in her heart becomes a gaping wound which even the Emperor of Adrestia won't be able to patch up anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Nothing is fair in love and war</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“I’ve fallen in love with you.”</p><p>Rhea calmly takes her time continuing reading to the end of a sentence, it’s more important to her than whatever reason Edelgard has for being here unannounced.</p><p>And Rhea then has to reread the entire sentence again because not a single word has registered.</p><p>And then once more.</p><p>Finally she gives up altogether and glances up from her book as Edelgard’s words settle in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Her eyebrows raise just the tiniest bit.</p><p>
  <em>That’s new. </em>
</p><p>Alright, she supposes she'll have to accept Edelgard has distracted her from her book now, and will likely keep doing so for a while. Pity, she had been so comfortable, lounging on her bed with nothing to annoy her. Maybe she can annoy Edelgard instead if she remains lying on her bed, head leaning against the propped up pillows against the wall, hopefully her refusal to move will give off the impression she can't be bothered to care enough about Edelgard's presence to get up. Which is the truth.</p><p>She turns to glance at Edelgard and her eyes go over her with a long, scrutinizing look, taking in her current state.</p><p>Nothing seems off at first glance, but that’s always the case with the white haired girl.</p><p>As usual the Emperor’s expression and posture don’t reveal anything about what’s going in her mind, her eyes are distant and her hands are cordially clasped behind her purposely straightened back.</p><p>Edelgard always seems to be under the impression that the way she holds herself makes her look imposing and calculated –someone with the air of dignity fitting of a monarch- but to Rhea it always makes her look forced and awkward, as if she is overcompensating.</p><p>
  <em>For her height perhaps? Or maybe her hair color, but she seems to wear like a badge of honor these days?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, likely just her deeply rooted insecurity, that’s simply impossible to hide, no matter what she conceals herself with.</em>
</p><p>Rhea keeps her gaze on the unmoving Emperor, who blinks and stops herself halfway through averting her eyes before forcing herself to keep her eyes trained on Rhea, waiting for a response.</p><p>Rhea can tell with ease that Edelgard’s eyes aren’t actually meeting hers but instead she’s staring just over top of her head, a common illusionary trick, no doubt well practiced.</p><p>It doesn’t do any wonders for Edelgard’s attempts to give of the aura of a monarch who silently demands respect.</p><p>The girl just has no natural charisma whatsoever –stiff as a board, always forcing herself to keep her eyes from darting away nervously, and then there is that thing with her hands, too fidgety or too unmoving, never the normal, usual amount of movement in them.  So no matter how hard she tries to come across as powerful and fierce, everything she does just falls flat to Rhea.</p><p>She’d stand with her back just a little too straight -making her look almost comically stiff- and her eyes purposely expressionless, as if she’s trying very hard to make it seem she isn’t feeling anything, despite it being painfully obvious the girl is incredibly emotional. Instead of making her look like she’s calm and in control it just serves to give of the feeling as if there is no life in her eyes, as if some part inside her is dead. Or as if something broke inside her and now she cannot properly express the things she’s feeling with her eyes and body any longer.</p><p>Her whole ‘imposing thing’ seems to be working for most people, but then again they never get more than a quick look at her, often from afar. Looking an Emperor dead in the eyes for a prolonged time is considered an offense, after all. And then there is the bit where Edelgard only has to bark a few commands and anyone who has disrespected or wronged her the wrong way is likely to be removed from her proximity, with varying degrees of severity as possible consequences.</p><p>But Rhea, already stripped of everything, has no such rules to abide by.</p><p>So Rhea gets to stare all she wants, and so to Rhea Edelgard doesn’t come across as regal, instead everything she does just seems strained and desperate.</p><p>Altogether everything about Edelgard always feels forced. <em>Faked. </em></p><p>Even as a student she often seemed that way, although Rhea is still disappointed in herself she never caught on to the many important <em>why’s </em>behind that until it was too late.</p><p>But both back as student and now an Emperor, Edelgard just always came across like a lifeless, emotionless thing to her.</p><p>It’s partly for that reason that her words just now, while certainly odd, don’t really affect Rhea. It’s no doubt merely another one of her numerous attempts to get under Rhea’s skin, despite the girl still having no idea whatsoever how to actually achieve such a thing, even though Rhea knows she has many triggers which would sent her into blind rage, or into other some kind of other intense emotional outbursts which Edelgard would surely be pleased to be a witness of.</p><p>But as of yet, those triggers remain blissfully hidden from the clueless Emperor.</p><p>Edelgard hides every emotion she feels so her words never really seem to hold any weight to them, as if she’s reading from a script instead of using the actual power she wields. It might come across as intimidating to her many subordinates and soldiers, it does not have such an effect on Rhea.</p><p>“If that’s a new interrogation technique I suggest you’d add some substance or depth to it because I don’t think it’s having the intended effect,” she tells the girl dismissively. “I do hope for your sake that you didn’t come up with it yourself because it doesn’t seem like it was very well thought out.”</p><p>She makes a patronizing ‘tsk’ noise and, after sternly narrowing her eyes, which are still trained on Edelgard’s face, adds a dissatisfied sounding, “Disappointing,” to ensure her response rubs the Emperor the wrong way.</p><p>Briefly Rhea can see annoyance flicker across the Emperor’s features, before she perfects her mask of indifference again.</p><p>Good, let whatever she’s doing backfire, Rhea thinks to herself, because while her mere presence alone is always tiresome, she hasn’t managed to annoy Rhea so far. She’s nothing but a distraction currently, and in Rhea’s small, confined world, any distraction is a welcome one.</p><p>“It’s not,” Edelgard says curtly.</p><p>At some point Rhea must have lost the flow of conversation, not interested enough in Edelgard’s little game, and her brows furrow at Edelgard’s oddly strained response. It’s strange, it feels as if she is forcing herself to tread on a path she really wishes she didn’t have to walk.</p><p>Still not able to connect what Edelgard said to the overarching conversation, Rhea looks at her questioningly. “What?”</p><p>The other woman is silent just a moment too long to be natural. “You heard what I said,” she mutters almost stubbornly.</p><p><em>Ah, right, the ‘love tactic’, classy</em>.</p><p>“I did, I just can’t phantom what it is you’re trying to achieve so I can’t really find it in myself to care about your little plan,” Rhea shrugs, hoping to dissuade Edelgard enough and make her give up entirely.</p><p>Edelgard doesn’t give up.</p><p>“There is no plan, I meant it. I only wanted to let you know.”</p><p>Rhea merely continues to glance at her, blinking ever so often, her expression neutral and unchanging. “Alright then.”</p><p>The ‘if that was everything you may leave now,’ doesn’t need to be said, it hangs thickly enough in the air for it to be obvious.</p><p>“…You don’t believe me,” Edelgard states flatly, although Rhea notices the edge creeping into her tone.</p><p>She gives her a pointed look. “No, I do not,” she tells her bluntly.</p><p>Edelgard seems offended somehow. “You aren’t even going to consider the option I might be telling the truth?” She presses, and now Rhea can definitely the strain in her voice. Her tone is too high, too shrill.</p><p>Unable to prevent herself from doing otherwise Rhea does briefly consider the option.</p><p>The thought instantly unnerves her and immediately she wants to resist the possibility of such an idea. The implications are uncomfortable to say the least, the other woman has seen sides –weaknesses- of her that Rhea really wishes she hadn’t. Her insistence on being present whenever she needs Rhea interrogated -<em>tortured- </em>has already forcibly allowed Edelgard to see feelings inside her surface which Rhea really didn’t want to give her or anyone the satisfaction of seeing. The younger woman has seen her enraged, desperate and in tears after finally being worn down for what felt like hours so many times now.</p><p>But it didn’t affect her all that much because it was merely a consequence of the ruthlessness and pragmatism that comes with war, it’s never about her personal feelings. Rhea has seen it enough, has been on both the winning and losing side so many times it’s all just become a tiresome game to her. Imprisonment, interrogation, torture, they are all just effective methods to advance the war in your favor. Cold, impersonal tools to make someone bend to your will.</p><p>‘Someone’ is barely an appropriate term for a war prisoner in many cases. They’re not human at that point, not really. Instead they’re more akin to a lifeless source of possible information for their opposing side, a tool to advance the war.</p><p>In a way it’s no different than the countless soldiers ceaselessly giving their lives on endless battlefields for a cause they don’t fully understand.</p><p>In times of war these things are acceptable, legal even.</p><p>But what they aren’t –and never should be- is personal.</p><p>A prisoner of war isn’t human, because a human has the right to be free, to have control over their body and keep their lives.</p><p>Even a normal criminal, a person convicted for something unrelated to war, is human and has certain rights. A trial, an adequate punishment and nothing more. They aren’t to be used to gain information, once they have been given their sentence.</p><p>(Unless they’ve committed heresy and happen to fall into Rhea’s lap. Then their lives are hers to decide over, and she’s not the kind of cat that plays with its food. No one who commits a crime against the Goddess is worthy of being called human any longer in Rhea’s eyes. So that means their lives are forfeit. Edelgard is still nothing but a heretic brat who got away with it, right under Rhea’s nose too. The thought still makes her bristle in anger.)</p><p>Still, a prisoner of war is nothing but a tool, and that’s the only way they can cope with their situation, to remind themselves they’re merely playing their part in a complicated game and that it isn’t about them personally. They aren’t the victim of cruelty or sadism, they’re just the pawns in a game of chess who got taken out long before the match was decided.</p><p>And Rhea was perfectly fine with being a tool or a pawn, she could dissociate her mind from whatever was being done to her body easily enough because of that, most of the time. She’d heal later, take a long nap to ease the mental strain and agony, and wake up feeling mostly bored again.</p><p>Still, the memories of being tortured continue linger in her mind. Her own screams the most of all.</p><p>Those memories are painful enough when it was only witnessed by cold and indifferent eyes seeking information that saw her so vulnerable but they become outright unbearable when Rhea considers someone might have been seeing <em>her </em>instead of a lifeless source of information who’s weakness they couldn’t find.</p><p>She does <em>not </em>want anyone with such power over her to hurt her and leave her exposed to do so while they taint it with false empathy, she <em>needs </em>their indifference. She doesn’t want anyone to care about her feelings as they watch her break down in rage, screams, desperation and finally tears out of sheer exhaustion.</p><p>Or have anyone think they care, because they don’t.</p><p>Rhea sighs wearily and accepts that Edelgard now has managed to annoy her.</p><p>She feels something stir in her and is sure her eyes have darkened as she speaks up, almost snapping at the irksome Emperor. “The very thought disgusts me Edelgard, so I’d rather not. I find the very notion to be ridiculous to begin with so I don’t consider giving it any serious thoughts worthy of my time and energy, you should know best of all how little energy I have these days.” She doesn’t hide the contempt she’s feeling in the slightest.</p><p>Edelgard has the nerve to look offended again and remains silent just long enough for Rhea to have her annoyance spike. “You don’t know how to love,” she spitefully adds.</p><p>An odd look crosses over Edelgard’s features, a hint of loss and acceptance, perhaps even sadness. Somehow it makes her expression look uncharacteristically soft, open even.</p><p>Rhea doesn’t like that look on her one bit.</p><p>“No, I don’t,” the Emperor says quietly and bites her lip, an action which unnerves Rhea unexpectedly. “But I do, and I needed you to know,” Edelgard follows with, almost sounding like she’s mourning, hurting at the very least.</p><p>Rhea feels something inside her twist uncomfortably, because it starts to dawn on her that Edelgard is feeling more vulnerable than Rhea has ever seen her before, so no matter what is going on in her head, her feelings regarding that are running deep. “You cannot possibly think I believe you, do you?” She utters, offended at the mere thought. “What reasons do I even have to do so?”</p><p>Something seems to crack in Edelgard as Rhea finds herself fascinated by how much emotion bleeds into her expression. She didn’t think it was possible the other woman could even express this much emotion –let alone feel this much at once.</p><p>A sad smile ghosts over Edelgard’s lips –Rhea has to throttle the need to make a noise out of sheer discomfort- and then she gently shakes her head, as if she’s sternly reminding herself she was supposed to understand something –Rhea has to suppress another strangled noise.</p><p>“You don’t have any reasons to believe me, I know. But you have to, please,” Edelgard almost pleads (<em>pleads, </em>Rhea gasps internally) with a hint of desperation. “It hurts, Rhea. It hurts to see you like this –to keep doing this to you- but I’m not going to stop. I’m the Emperor of Adrestia first most, above everything else that I am… that I could have been, and you simply have too much value to the Empire.”</p><p>She stills and seems to struggle with what to say. Abruptly she clenches her fists and forces her arms down her sides as she looks at Rhea with an expression that seems to say both a thousand things at once and nothing at all.</p><p>“So I needed you to know,” she says softly yet her voice is clearly forced, a weak attempt to sound as regal and commanding as she usually does. “So maybe you can find a way to use it against me…as a weakness, and stop me from doing this to you instead.”</p><p>Rhea feels the urge to laugh out of sheer disbelief and ridicule Edelgard but because of the way the other woman is suddenly unable to meet her eyes and instead stares hard at the ground she feels dread and anger settle in her.</p><p>The girl might have a talent for lying, what she doesn’t have however, is a talent for telling the <em>truth. </em>And it’s suddenly painfully obvious she’s struggling not to break down and spill her whole heart to Rhea, her Emperor persona has nearly completely slipped from her grasp.</p><p>Rhea slowly blinks several times before she finds her words back.</p><p>“You’re being serious.”</p><p>The muscles in Edelgard’s shoulders and hands tense momentarily before she relaxes again.</p><p>She nods weakly. “…Yes.”</p><p>“You think you’re in love with me,” Rhea states numbly, if only to convince herself. Even saying it out loud sounds absurd and wrong to her.</p><p>Edelgard briefly forces herself to look at Rhea before it becomes apparently too much for her, glancing away again. “I am.”</p><p>“No, you’re not.” Rhea corrects her harshly. “…But you think you are,” she adds with more contemplation. The thought settles in and at once all the implications that Rhea really isn’t comfortable with arise inside her. Promptly, she feels her begin to rise rapidly.</p><p>“I <em>am, </em>Rhea,” Edelgard insists stubbornly. “I can tell what I feel,” she mutters frustratingly, offended she has to argue about the validity of her own feelings.</p><p>“You have no idea who I even am, girl,” Rhea hisses in fury as she tries to restrain her anger. “You have no right to claim you love me.”</p><p>The other woman looks as if she wants to argue with her, giving her a defiant look as she opens her mouth to speak, only to close it again without saying anything. Then she seems to yield, her head lowering just ever so slightly, a clear admittance of defeat, of shame, for Emperor Edelgard.</p><p>“You’re pathetic,” Rhea tells her harshly.</p><p>The hurt Edelgard feels at hearing her words is plainly evident in her features and Rhea realizes that the times she thought Edelgard seemed offended earlier might have been hurt as well.</p><p>“I mean it, it appears that all you know to do effectively is order people around and rule from a distance, on your high and mighty throne. But now, when something gets close enough for you to feel the heat you have no spine, you flail and stumble, get everything wrong and cause havoc in your wake. If you feel something, act on it properly, instead of pushing it on others –on <em>me.” </em></p><p>Edelgard visibly deflates and suddenly seems to look smaller. Or maybe this is how small she truly looks and feels, and she just lost all ability to make herself seem as if she actually has a domineering presence.</p><p>“…I’m sorry,” she mumbles weakly, a hint of a tremble in her voice and for the first time not even trying to meet Rhea’s eyes, instead steadily looking downwards. “I know it’s wrong of me to feel this way, that I have no right. But telling you about my feelings is the only way… that I can help you.”</p><p>The apology has the opposite effect on Rhea and something snaps inside her, along with an angry, strangled sound escaping her throat.</p><p>“You’re weaker than I thought, little Emperor,” she drawls. “You cannot even take responsibility for your own actions. Suddenly you grow a guilty conscious and you cannot even tell if you want to act on it or against it, so instead you burden me with the responsibility to do so and tell yourself you’re being merciful.”</p><p>Rhea realizes how out of breath she feels, her anger taking its toll on remaining coherent and eloquent as she spoke, she even forgot to breathe in-between words. She forces herself to take a few deep breaths to calm herself.</p><p>One glance at Edelgard takes away all her calm again in an instant, however. The woman has the <em>nerve </em>to have that expression on her face a child makes when it’s getting reprimanded by a parent and is silently rebuking them while stubbornly telling themselves they are absolutely right, no matter what their parent is saying, letting any harsh words slip from them like water.</p><p>Edelgard truly thinks she’s doing some kind of good thing here, and that it’s <em>Rhea </em>who isn’t seeing that.</p><p>She groans in anger. “I will <em>not</em> let you ease your guilt by thinking you’re being merciful or kind to me. Either keep me locked in here, keep using and draining me until you kill me or release me if your guilt is too much of a burden for you, I don’t care. Just do <em>not</em> use me like this.”</p><p>“I’m <em>not </em>using you,” Edelgard snaps, her voice shrill and wavering.</p><p>Rhea narrows her eyes and simply glares at her with a questioning, pitying expression, waiting patiently until Edelgard realizes the painful contradiction in her words, such as insisting to your own prisoner you’re not using them while you clearly have many purposes for using and keeping locked up.</p><p>She can tell the exact moment when Edelgard mulls over what she said in her mind and finds what Rhea did much faster than her. Her eyes widen and her composure fractures as she tries standing up straighter yet only looks more uncertain as a result.</p><p>“I mean yes… as a <em>political prisoner of war, </em>for political reasons. Many things you possess could serve the Empire well. There is no shame in keeping an enemy of your nation locked up and interrogate them for information,” she defends herself with, in a voice just a tad too emotional to be as detached as her words are meant to be. “But I’m not…using you for uhm, personal reasons, I swear.”</p><p>Edelgard receives another glare and Rhea feels a twinge of satisfaction when the girl can’t hide how that startled her quickly enough.</p><p>“The very act of you caring for me is already a way of using me for personal reasons, you daft Emperor. I am your prisoner, nothing but a tool to help you win your pitiful war, so don’t you dare make this personal and start seeing me as <em>human </em>instead. Do us both a favor and keep yourself to the rules of warfare.”</p><p>“Am I truly that wrong for simply caring about you?” Edelgard scoffs, her eyes distant.</p><p>Rhea sighs again and resigns herself to explaining basic human interactions to the Emperor now. “Yes, because I am not your equal. You hold power over every aspect of my life and I do not want to be subjected to the whims of your emotions, I don’t think you comprehend just how easy it is for you to unknowingly force me and bend to your will, all the while thinking you’re acting out of kindness. You’d only be soothing your guilty conscious.”</p><p>That seems to hit a nerve in the rapidly crumbling Edelgard. “I have done no such thing, nor do I intend to” she exclaims with confidence, almost with <em>pride. </em></p><p>It’s the pride that makes Rhea shiver.</p><p>“Tell me then,” she demands, her voice thin and cold as ice. “By whose orders was it that I suddenly got transferred to these much more warm and comfortable living quarters, I can hardly even call it a proper cell anymore,” she drawls. “I doubt anyone among your enemies who are invested in my life or release has enough leverage to sacrifice for something so unnecessary as books and blankets.”</p><p>Edelgard visibly pales and sputters something.</p><p>Her reaction serves as a clear admittance of guilt to the both of them.</p><p>“Thought so,” Rhea states with a hint of superiority.</p><p>“You cannot possibly fault me for that, I didn’t use it as a bargaining tool or any reason to win over your favor. I didn’t even ask for your gratitude, not even your acknowledgement,” Edelgard defends herself with, and as nice as she tries to sound, she fails to hide the hint of bitterness at Rhea’s lack of acknowledgement at the time.</p><p>Which Rhea instantly makes use of.</p><p>“Oh, so you <em>did </em>want something in return then, if only a simple <em>thank you</em>.”</p><p>Edelgard bites her lip again. “I might have wanted it, yes,” she begrudgingly admits, seemingly upset with herself for having wanted it. “But I didn’t expect it, nor did I need it. I didn’t do it for such a reason.”</p><p>“Then what was the reason?”</p><p>Edelgard stares at her blankly, though Rhea can practically see the gears in her head spinning as she frantically tries to come up with something plausible that doesn’t make her sound like a fool.</p><p>Not as if Rhea doesn’t already know very well what the reason was.</p><p>“The…. The cold,” Edelgard finally mutters, and the blush on her face is there solely because she does feel like a fool. A fool who knows she got very caught. “It was getting very cold, with winter settling in and all…” she continues faintly.</p><p>“Ah, yes” Rhea smiles in mock understanding. “All these books do really help with strafing off the cold.” She makes sure the sarcasm is dripping of every syllable.</p><p>Edelgard looks very sad, and very helpless.</p><p>“Either way,” Rhea shrugs. “That was very generous of you, done solely out of the goodness of your heart, no doubt,” she says, making sure Edelgard detects the falseness in her tone. The girl will not be able to resist taking the bait.</p><p>“You’d truly think I did that out of selfishness? Or that I was trying to get something from you, despite it having been over half a year since and I haven’t so much as hinted I was the one that gave the order, let alone ask something in return.”</p><p>“Yes,” Rhea tells her bluntly.</p><p>“Then what did I do wrong?” Edelgard all but begs her, struggling to keep herself together. “Was it truly so heartless of me that I didn’t want you to rot away in a freezing prison any longer?” she asks exasperatedly, her voice unsteady.</p><p>Rhea knows her thin smile looks downright malicious now, but that suits her just fine. She’s angry and Edelgard can’t stop digging her own grave. “The added comfort in itself was nice, I’ll admit that” she starts innocently, “but what you just said is precisely why you did so out of nothing but selfishness.” She pauses, waits just long enough until she sees the confusion in Edelgard begin to truly affect, her eyes wide and tense as she’s completely lost in her conflicting emotions.</p><p>Satisfied with Edelgard’s rapidly crumbling composure, Rhea continues spelling Edelgard’s true motives out to her with barely restrained malicious glee.</p><p>“You didn’t do it for my comfort, clueless Emperor child that you are. You did it for your own,” Rhea finally, harshly explains to her. “You couldn’t bear the thought that someone you were beginning to care about, or just feel guilt over, was ‘rotting away in a freezing cell’ so you put me in a room filled with all these nice things,” she says, carelessly gesturing to her general surroundings, “and ensured that from that day on I’d have a comfortable warm bed to spend my nights in.”</p><p>She gives Edelgard, who was paling more with each word and who now remains utterly frozen in fear, a scornful glare, a thin smile still on her lips.</p><p>“But you didn’t so <em>I</em> would be sleeping any better,” Rhea tells her, voice low and condescending, “No, you did it solely so <em>you </em>would be able to sleep again at night, comforted with the knowledge I was being properly taken care of.”</p><p>Something visibly cracks in Edelgard, perhaps it was the ice which kept her frozen solid as she regains her ability to speak…somewhat. “I just…. I just wanted to help you... I didn’t want you to suffer anymore. I just couldn’t take it-” she gasps and goes quiet. “You’re right,” she mutters dejectedly. “I did it because I couldn’t stop thinking about you in that cell, I just… couldn’t cope with the guilt of making someone suffer that I was growing to care for. It just felt so horribly wrong.” Edelgard looks defeated, shame etched in her features.</p><p>Still, she seems to feel some sort of relief, having finally admitted her guilt and Rhea watches some tension leave her body.</p><p>It rubs Rhea the wrong way.</p><p>“I hope that’s not what you told your team of tortures specialists, who are very professional, may I add, that you gave me a nice cozy room because you didn’t want me to suffer, bit contradictive, don’t you think?”</p><p>All Rhea gets in responds is a flat and vague “…No.”</p><p>“Well, I get the feeling you won’t tell me what reason you gave them so let me make an educated guess,” Rhea hums, feigning doing any guesswork at all. “You told them something along the lines of how it would eat at my sanity, living a life of comfort with the constant threat of unannounced interrogations looming behind my door, didn’t you?” She says it with so much conviction Edelgard doesn’t seem to have it in her to deny it anymore.</p><p>She stares at the ground with shame etched into her features. “I had to tell them something, so I could do it, so you wouldn’t suffer anymore and ensure they wouldn’t make it worse,” she mumbles awkwardly towards the ground, her voice riddled with guilt.</p><p>Her words baffle Rhea and she finds herself wondering if Edelgard is simply unable to see the whole picture, instead trying to protect her sanity and virtue by fracturing everything in isolated pieces.</p><p>“Those are some impressive and complicated ways you have found there, with which you’ve managed to delude yourself.” Rhea muses it with as much faked nonchalance she can muster, knowing that Edelgard’s emotions are currently all over the place and yet again she won’t be able to resist Rhea’s bait. Or her trap, is probably a more accurate description, as the girl keeps walking straight into them with open eyes.</p><p>“I’m… I’m not deluded,” Edelgard defends herself with, the emotion she puts into her voice make her sound convincing, the uncertainty woven through it undo her efforts rather pathetically.</p><p>“No?” Rhea wonders with exaggerated surprise. “Then please tell me just exactly what it is that you came up with which sounded sensible enough to yourself that could you put me in this room because you ‘<em>couldn’t bear the guilt of making me suffer’ </em>while simultaneously continue to have me tortured during those interrogations you always insisted on being present at.”</p><p>One look at Edelgard tells Rhea that was the final nail in the coffin to shatter the remaining stubborn resilience Edelgard still had in her own conviction she was doing the right thing.</p><p>“Or are you now going to try and convince me I am not actually suffering during interrogations? I know your eyes were continuously trained on me each and every time, and your ears seem to be functional as well.” She can’t help but pushing her slightly more and smiles in satisfaction when she sees Edelgard flinch.</p><p>“You still know what screams and tears coming from a human mean, right?” She makes a surprised sound to make it seem as if she just realized something. “Oh, or is that it? You still think I’m some kind of monster. That I don’t feel anything. Well, I hope for your sanity that you took that into account when you came up with your little crush on me.”</p><p>And that there was finally Edelgard’s breaking point.</p><p>“I do still know what screams mean, Rhea! <em>I do!</em>” Edelgard screeches at her, sounding somewhere in between helplessness and desperation. “Trust me, I do,” she breathes out shakily, panting all the while. “Those were what kept me awake at night.”</p><p>She tries to take a deep breath to steady herself but her breathing remains shallow and she’s too urged on by her emotions to take more time to calm herself.</p><p>“Each of your screams was a reminder,” she rasps. “With every sound you made and every tear you shed I was forced to admit you were human a little more. That you weren’t a monster at all, that you were more human than <em>me.</em>”</p><p>Seeing her so emotional, so alive, is refreshing to Rhea, and for the first time she finds herself more interested in just what sort of feelings the Emperor always conceals from the world, wonders what kind of personality she even truly has.</p><p>Edelgard shudders and makes strangled sounding sob. “It’s me, Rhea. I’m the monster. For deliberately continuing to hurt someone I was caring more about with each day.”</p><p>She’s breathing heavily and the tears she has been trying to keep from falling now well up in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks in silence as Edelgard still refuses to  outright let herself cry.</p><p>Rhea still thinks of her as clueless and arrogant, but at least she’s finally being truthful and open, perhaps with herself for the first time as well.</p><p>Either way, Rhea feels some of her anger and spite reside, and she feels relieved when a bit of the tension in her jaw and shoulders disappears along with it.</p><p>“There, that’s it. Good girl, finally you’re being honest with yourself,” Rhea hears herself say, only to be surprised and promptly infuriated again when she realizes that her voice sounded unexpectedly gentle and her feelings of kindness behind them were <em>genuine, </em>despite her condescending choice in words.</p><p>One glance at Edelgard tells Rhea that she too is surprised by her sudden change in tone, which is something Rhea really cannot handle right now.</p><p>“Either way, now that that’s cleared up you can go back to your life full of days filled with nothing but being a ruthless Emperor with just a sprinkle of <em>monster </em>inside her and we can both leave this behind us,” she says dismissively, dismayed she didn’t manage to sound as vicious as she intended.</p><p>To her surprise tears now truly begin to roll down the Emperor’s cheeks as she looks somewhere between deeply hurt and persistently tenacious.</p><p>Which leaves Rhea with nothing else to conclude the daft girl has not given up on whatever it is she’s trying to achieve her, likely still unable to make sense of her conflicting feelings.</p><p>“You weren’t under the illusion I would somehow react favorable to your feelings, were you?” she asks Edelgard skeptically, unwilling to feel sorry for her despite her increasingly frantic sobbing, which she’s still trying very hard to restrain, although but it’s barely working at this point.</p><p>Edelgard shakes her head. “No, I’m not delusional,” she mutters as her chest heaves. “I assumed it would invoke your anger or perhaps your hatred but …I didn’t consider the possibility I was hurting you so much. I didn’t see how I was just being selfish and wronging you with that selfishness. …I don’t want to make you bend to my feelings.”</p><p>Rhea watches coldly as Edelgard clenches her fists and lowers her head to face the ground.</p><p>A quiet strained sob echoes through the chambers.</p><p>“…And I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.”</p><p>Rhea momentarily wonders if Edelgard has ever truly been denied anything in her life before, or even so much as had someone tell her they didn’t like something she had done, because she cannot wrap her head around Edelgard just being so utterly clueless and out of her depth like this.</p><p>The unfeeling Emperor crying because someone rejected her feelings?</p><p>The Emperor crying is already something impossible to imagine.</p><p>Rhea thought Edelgard had deliberately rid herself of the ability to cry a long time, along with getting her feelings hurt by others or feeling any kind of affection for others.</p><p>But now Rhea has to consider the possibility that the Emperor is having strong feelings for someone –for <em>her. </em></p><p>Preposterous, the idea alone.</p><p>She’s seen Edelgard enough, both when the girl was her student and in the past year and a half she has been incarcerated at Enbarr, to know that the girl puts a lot of effort in displaying as little emotion as possible and be as distant and formal as she can let herself get away with.</p><p>So why this? Why would she willingly expose herself like this to Rhea, her own prisoner, even if her feelings were true?</p><p>The most sensible thing for a ruling monarch to do is to simply claim the object of their affections for themselves, they have the power to do so after all. And even if the person who caught their eye didn’t feel the same way they would usually be roped in with promises of a much better life with more luxury, whether said person agreed to it or not was usually irrelevant.</p><p>She supposes that doing such a thing would be somewhat more complicated for Edelgard. She only took the crown a year and a half ago, is in the middle of a war against the very foundations of Fodlan, her position is rocky as it is, Rhea is another woman, and the Emperor suddenly going around telling everyone that their most valuable prisoner is now her concubine (Rhea cringes inwardly at the name) would likely cause some sort of uproar.</p><p>It seems Edelgard has worked herself beautifully into a corner, Rhea can’t help but think to herself with some kind of disturbing amusement, if it were to leak out Edelgard would be involved with her prisoner, who is also her greatest enemy, she’d likely dig her own grave and end up having to forcefully abdicate, if not straight up end up decapitated.</p><p>Still, if Edelgard wanted she could get away with it, by keeping Rhea hidden from others for example. Very little people even know where she’s currently being kept.</p><p>Yes, Edelgard could absolutely abuse her power to get Rhea where she wants her, no matter if Rhea wouldn’t love her back.</p><p>But instead all Rhea can see is a trembling, crying young girl who is experiencing heartbreak for the first time, under incredibly complicated and pressuring circumstances too.</p><p>She feels something in her heart tug. Pity?  She dismisses it. There is no way she’d feel pity for the greedy Emperor. But perhaps it’s some sort of understanding, a kind of empathy, as she can imagine very well what kind of pain the girl is experiencing right now, no matter if Rhea feels like she deserves it or not.</p><p>But Edelgard isn’t a girl anymore, she carved her own path and now she’s the ruthless, conquering Emperor she wanted to be.</p><p>The very person who ruined Garreg Mach and incarcerated Rhea.</p><p>And so Rhea doesn’t think she needs to feel empathy for the Emperor.</p><p>“<em>Hurt</em>?” she draws with little patience left. “You think you have to right to tell <em>me </em>that you’re hurt?”</p><p>Edelgard’s eyes widen and she hurriedly shakes her head.  “N-no,” she stammers. “No, I mean… I wanted to apologize for my… loss of composure. It wasn’t an excuse… I just don’t know what to do or feel.”</p><p>“You are <em>not</em> the victim here, Edelgard, so stop acting like some kicked dog. <em>I </em>am your victim. The victim of your rebellion, your war, your interrogations and your torture,” she hisses angrily. “And now you’ve made me the victim of your immoral affections only to dare to tell me my reaction <em>hurts </em>you? You’re a monster, Edelgard. A greedy, selfish monster who seems to think that if her feelings tell her something then surely it must be right to feel them.”</p><p>The trembling young woman is still clenching her fists and clearly exerting all of her willpower not to succumb to more sobbing and crying, clenching her teeth as silent tears roll down her reddened cheeks.</p><p>“…I don’t know what to do,” she forces out, her voice hoarse and strained as she tries to keep herself under control.</p><p>“Are you asking me for advice?” Rhea asks her indignantly in an attempt to ridicule all these meaningless things Edelgard keeps saying.</p><p>“Yes,” Edelgard mutters through clenched teeth, avoiding her gaze. “Tell me how to treat you properly, please,” she adds much softer.</p><p>Rhea has half a mind to get off her bed and slap Edelgard square in the face.</p><p>Instead a strangled noise of frustration escapes her lips.</p><p>She takes a deep breath to steel herself, to ensure that actual sensible words will come out of her mouth and not just an incoherent mess of snarled insults.</p><p>“Treat me like a prisoner of war to the Empire and use every tool at your disposal to get out of me what you need,” she tells Edelgard coldly.</p><p>The girl’s eyes widen in surprise and Rhea notices how her lip is trembling. “You… you don’t want to be treated with any lenience?” she asks, sounding utterly bewildered and confused.</p><p>“What I want is to be treated like the war prisoner of the Emperor who started a rebellion against my Church that I am, not as some sort of plaything of a child with too much power under the illusion she can use that power to make me dance like a puppet,” she tells the other woman, who indeed looks much more like a child than an Emperor right now, with coldness and distaste in her voice.</p><p>“I won’t use my power over you to make you do anything, I swear!” the girl all but pleads, her voice quivering as she struggles to hold back more tears. “I only thought it would be in your benefit to know… to know of my weakness.”</p><p>“Even that I doubt,” Rhea shrugs coldly. “It feels more as if you want to be seen weak, like a <em>human </em>for once. Perhaps you even thought my rejection was what you deserved, needed even, to feel better about yourself.”</p><p>She watches Edelgard bite her lip and shift her posture as emotions rapidly flash through her eyes, likely trying to come up with a counterargument, or perhaps resort to flat out denial as Rhea considers her ability to come up with solid arguments is significantly impaired by her current emotional state.</p><p>“Regardless, it doesn’t matter,” Rhea speaks up before Edelgard can. “I wish to keep what little rights I have as your prisoner and that means I do not want to be subjected to the whims of my captor’s feelings. So please, Edelgard. Stop acting like a child with a crush and go back to behaving like an an Emperor with a purpose.”</p><p>“I’m not a <em>child </em>Rhea,” Edelgard angrily snaps, a fierce glare in her eyes.</p><p>She doesn’t say it but Rhea can tell it’s upsetting her someone dares to address her with such disrespect, likely very unused to it. Calling her by her first name alone is already considered a breach of law, calling her derogatory names which blatantly question her validity as Emperor would outright be seen as an attack on her majesty herself.</p><p>Still, Rhea has very little to lose… and Edelgard keeps letting her do it.</p><p>Like the child she is, too wrapped up inside her emotions to remain in control over herself.</p><p>“Please, just look at yourself. Fists clenched in frustration, tears rolling down your cheeks in anger yet you’re too powerless to even defend yourself. And you might have power over my fate, over my life, but I won’t give you the power to do this to me and get away with it.”</p><p>Edelgard can do nothing but glare, yet the other emotions flickering behind her eyes make her anger seem weak and uncertain.</p><p>“Go away child,” Rhea tells her coldly. “And only come back as the Emperor who has a tactical purpose to visit her prisoner.”</p><p>The white haired girl seems to deflate, despite there being little change in her posture. Yet both her frustration and dignity seem to flutter beyond her grasp as she continues to stare at Rhea a moment too long, desperate to come up with something worthwhile to respond with before Rhea can see the resignation settle in her features.</p><p>She nods softly, a sign of defeat, and quickly, almost clumsily turns around and makes her way towards the door.</p><p>“Just please give it some thought, Rhea,” Edelgard says without looking back. “I’m chained to my title as Emperor of Adrestia and I will fulfill that role until my death.” She stills for a moment and Rhea sees her tremble. “But I’m faulty, I can break. Please use the weakness I provided you with so you can use it to break yourself free from me. …Only a part of me needs to break for that.” Her voice was surprisingly steadily, compared to her sobbing mere moments ago.</p><p>But was the hollowness in it which made Rhea shiver involuntary.</p><p>Before she has enough time to go over Edelgard’s words in her head and come up with a response she finds she doesn’t have to, as a moment later she sees the girl exit her chambers and turns to close the door behind her.</p><p>Rhea thinks she can hear the sound of a strained sob just before the door falls in the lock but she decides not to dwell on it. What happens outside her chambers –outside her <em>cell­­- </em>is no longer any of Rhea’s concern. These days her world begins and ends within these walls.</p><p>She picks up her book again, the thing having laid forgotten next to her for quite some time now, and continues to read from the point where she was disturbed earlier.</p><p>It takes her a while but suddenly she realizes she has been rereading the same sentence four times in a row now and still can’t remember a single word from it.</p><p>A frustrated groan escapes her lips as she carelessly shuts the book and drops it to her side.</p><p>The damn girl got under her skin and now she has lost all focus.</p><p>Annoyed, she lays down on the bed and rolls over to her side, having given up on trying do anything altogether and deciding that perhaps yet another nap will help her chaotic mind relax.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just really wanted to write Rhea seethe at Edelgard's obliviousness but I accidentally spilled the angst bottle.<br/>It will lighten up, eventually.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It had been four days since Edelgard’s strange ‘personal visit’ and the girl hadn’t shown herself since. By now Rhea was convinced she had been successful in deterring the Emperor and managed to get the girl over herself so they could go back to business as usual. Hopefully any feelings she had for Rhea had faded from the clueless Emperor altogether and by now she was considering the very memory embarrassing, and the next time they’d meet Edelgard would be unfeeling and distant once again, along with her usual brand of awkward.</p><p>A pragmatic –although stupid- Emperor is much easier to deal with than a very persistent girl with a crush – an equally stupid girl, but still.</p><p>The idea gives her peace of mind.</p><p>Which is promptly shattered the following morning when a servant comes to bring her her breakfast at the usual time except this time it's not a servant carrying a tray of food but no, it just has to be <em>Edelgard </em>instead.</p><p>It’s once again impressive how the girl can make Rhea’s mood go from peaceful –almost bored- to absolutely seething with rage in but an instant.</p><p>“No,” she says harshly and loud.</p><p>Edelgard looks startled and bites her lip uncertainly, confused at Rhea's intense reaction. “I’m just here to bring your breakfast.”</p><p>Rhea can’t suppress a frustrated groan and is about to angrily accuse the Emperor of her blatant lying, because she’s clearly here because of her stupid crush and already breaching the appropriate order of conduct of how a captor should treat their prisoner, because Rhea really doesn’t want to be any sort of dependent on the woman's kindness.</p><p>But then she finally catches Edelgard’s expression. It's uncertain, determined, vulnerable and confused, and all of a sudden it’s painfully obvious to Rhea that the girl has no idea what she’s doing and genuinely thinks she’s being nice and that it’s perfectly fine for her to do this.</p><p>And promptly she feels a part of herself resign to the fact she will have to deal with the clueless Emperor and her little crush, as it’s clear the girl is completely incapable of understanding her feelings herself.</p><p>But Rhea will have to ensure she’s the one in charge -as much as she can within these confines that is-,because she’ll be damned to let Edelgard use her power over Rhea, no matter how unintentional, to force her hand. No, she wants boundaries, and for Edelgard to be honest with herself and consider her true feelings and motivations.</p><p>So she'll have to explain Edelgard what her real intentions are then, if the Emperor fails at recognizing them herself.</p><p>“Really, is that what you told the poor servant who you robbed of their job?" Rhea begins, her words intentionally harsh. "I can’t imagine they could hide their confusion when their majestic Emperor suddenly barged into the kitchens and demanded to do such a lowly chore herself.”</p><p>“I… no, I told them I had an important matter to discuss with you… so I would bring your food to ensure they wouldn’t interrupt," Edelgard tries explaining, yet she refuses to look Rhea in the eyes.</p><p>“Ah, and do you have an important matter to discuss with me?” Rhea coaxes out of her, sounding almost sweetly.</p><p>“…No.”</p><p>“Then please be honest and explain to me <em>why </em>you are here, Edelgard.”</p><p>“I wanted to see you,” Edelgard admits awkwardly, her voice stiff as she glances away. “Just to see how you were feeling,” she adds, mumbling quietly.</p><p>Rhea considers it a step in the right direction, but still not close enough.</p><p>“That’s still not the true reason.”</p><p>Edelgard abruptly faces her again, looking confused once more. “No, that’s why I’m here… I know it’s not much of a reason but I swear I have no ulterior motives,” she insists almost fiercely.</p><p>Rhea sighs wearily, wondering if  from now on she’s going to be spending all her time explaining Edelgard the cause of her own actions.</p><p>“My feelings are perfectly fine, dear. As fine as they can be, considering the circumstances," she shrugs dismissively. "No, you’re not here for my feelings, you’re here because of your own. You needed to soothe them and couldn’t stay away so you thought bringing me my food would be a token of goodwill.”</p><p>Edelgard seems conflicted at once, and again surprised and hurt. “I… I’m sorry,” she all but mumbles. “That’s what I wanted to say I think. That I’m sorry for last time.”</p><p>Well, normally an apology would be appreciated but… “So you’re here as the girl with a crush again then, instead of the Emperor I explicitly told you to be when you’d visit again,” Rhea accuses her of.</p><p>The poor girl’s eyes widen and she looks even more hurt, now with added confusion. “You won’t even let me apologize?” she utters in disbelief.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because <em>Emperors </em>don’t apologize to their prisoners, they continue doing their job like they’re supposed to, like I <em>asked </em>them to.”</p><p>“I… but…”</p><p>“No,” Rhea interrupts her harshly. “No <em>buts. </em>What good will any of this do? Will you come apologize to me after each time you’ve watched me get interrogated from now on too? Where will your apologies end, girl?” she bites.</p><p>That seemed to have the opposite effect of what Rhea hoped it would have as Edelgard seems to find back her footing somewhat in this previously rather one sided discussion. “I’ve ordered for that to stop,” she says with just a hint of pride that causes the hairs on the back Rhea’s neck to rise. “You were right, it would be deeply wrong of me to continue doing such a thing to you while pretending nothing is amiss with that while I have these… feelings.”</p><p>“Oh, well isn’t <em>that </em>just splendid, then,” Rhea retorts with what she considers an impressive amount of sarcasm dripping from her voice.</p><p>Edelgard is instantly back to being startled and confused, now with a higher pitched voice. “You cannot possibly think that me stopping that is also something bad? You mean to say you wanted me to continue your integrations?” she asks with pitiful disbelief.</p><p>Rhea flashes her an unkind smile. “Oh no, I can’t say I particularly enjoyed it,” she says dryly. “What I like even less, however, is now being completely and utterly at whims of your feelings for me, of your little crush on me,” she tells the girl bluntly. “Tell me, once your feelings fade, will you come and notify me that we’re back to business as usual?” she spats. “Just back to fun interrogation sessions while you watch me cry,” she rants on, struggling to keep the conflicting emotions rising within her out of her voice.</p><p>“I… I wouldn’t,” Edelgard stammers, yet the flicker of doubt she’s feeling is apparent in her voice. Even she doesn’t want this crush to last, it seems.</p><p>“Of course you wouldn’t,” Rhea says, deliberately sounding not convinced at all. “Then perhaps one day you’ll get just a tad too angry with me when I’m not being nice and compliant enough so you’ll use resuming the interrogations as a threat to keep me docile.”</p><p>Edelgard fervently shakes her head, yet looks even more pale, terrified and completely out of her depth.</p><p>Clueless in the matters of the heart, truly clueless, Rhea thinks to herself with just a tad of empathy that only mares her more angry.</p><p>“Then how about say,” she continues out of sheer spite, “what if your neat little team of ‘interrogate specialists’ comes up with a new spell that will definitely work this time and oh, you’re particularly pressed for information at that moment,” she continues, her voice achingly sweet as the puts a finger to her lips in mock curiosity. “Will you come to visit me and tell me ‘Oh Rhea, it will be just this one time. I promise. I’ll come bring you breakfast again tomorrow to make up for it’."</p><p>Something snaps in Edelgard, who was looking close to losing herself to despair. Yet before despair takes over a surge of anger envelops her mind first. "Fine," she explains in a high pitched voice. "If you're just going to hurt me while all I wanted was to bring you breakfast and apologize and keep telling me you don't want any of it then I'll just leave and take your food with me," she spats in almost clumsy anger.</p><p>Because really? Did Edelgard really not see how she just dug her own grave yet again?</p><p>"Oh, yes that will show me how genuine and respectful your feelings for me are," Rhea all but coos, yet she's glaring daggers at the vain little Emperor. "The second I don't appreciate your token of good will you immediately deprive me of my source of food. Yes, that's definitely a good way of showing me how genuine and pure your feelings are," she glowers, sarcasm dripping from every word.</p><p>That must have been the final straw that broke Edelgard’s already wavering resolve.</p><p>With a loud and agonizingly sorrowful wail she sinks to the floor, finding balance on her knees while leaning on one hand for balance. Her other hand is furiously wiping the freshly falling tears from her eyes that just won’t stop coming.</p><p>“I don’t wa-want this,” Edelgard sobs and stammers. “I… I’m not li-hike that,” she continues to stutter, her words barely coherent. She inhales sharply and forces herself to speak. “I’m pragmatic,” she says, as if she’s sternly reminding herself of this important truth. “I’m pragmatic but not cru-cruel,” she continues as she rapidly turns into a sobbing mess. “I only feel love for you, I swear that to you,” Edelgard mutters weakly. And in a soft, frail whisper she adds, “but I don’t understand any of this at all.”</p><p>She slumps down on her knees and now uses both her hands to cover her face, as quiet sobs of agony and suppressed sounds of sorrow continue to escape her lips.</p><p>And Rhea… feels things.</p><p>Suddenly she’s aware she isn’t sitting on her bed any longer but is now standing in front of Edelgard, looking down at the young woman who Rhea cannot possibly describe as a pragmatic Emperor.</p><p>No, right now Edelgard is nothing but a hurt and broken soul.</p><p>Just like Rhea has been for so long now.</p><p>And thus pity turns into sympathy, perhaps even empathy.</p><p>“Do you see now,” she says much softer, with more care and warmth in her voice that even she didn’t anticipate, “why you cannot love me, my dear.”</p><p>Edelgard splays her fingers across her eyes and peers up at Rhea through the openings between her fingers. “I think I do, yes,” she sniffs, with hollow sadness etched into every word.</p><p>“You hold far too much power over me, Edelgard, I’m at your whims, trapped between your ruthless pragmatism and your feelings of love which you don’t fully understand yourself. Like this I can never be your equal.”</p><p>Edelgard nods and closes her eyes as more silent tears pool from her eyes.</p><p>“Love should be between equals,” Rhea continues. “And friendship too.”</p><p>Then she stills. She had planned on using what just happened between them as the final evidence to sever the bond between them that Edelgard seems to be seeking, no matter how self-destructive doing so is for her.</p><p>But suddenly she finds the idea of Edelgard leaving and not coming back again incredibly painful… lonely even.</p><p>Worse, it would indeed mean she’d be back to being tortured while Edelgard, this Edelgard who wants to love her so much, who is so deeply hurt, whom Rhea now feels a newfound empathy for, would be watching while pretending she doesn’t feel anything.</p><p>Because Rhea doesn’t think Edelgard could kill her feelings of love so easily, they mean too much to her, it’s proof to her that she’s still human, even if it hurts her so deeply.</p><p>“How about,” she starts tentatively, “you can visit me whenever you like, but just...  without any flimsy reasons or excuses.” She hears herself say it and instantly wonders if she’s not threading  on a dangerous path here.</p><p>Then again, she’s been stuck on a path with a dead end for over a year and a half now, any path in whatever direction seems intriguing, if not genuinely exciting to her.</p><p>Edelgard lowers her hands slightly and looks at her with confusion. “But you just said...”</p><p>“I know what I said, and I stand by that. I’m simply offering to create a bubble between the two of us of sorts.”</p><p>Edelgard blinks, her eyes wide and still filled with tears. “A bubble?” she asks tentatively.</p><p>“Yes, a small and safe world where you and I can talk to one another about things we want to share, trapped within the bubble and locked away from all that hurts is outside of that bubble,” Rhea explains, hoping that her odd way of offering a truce makes sense to Edelgard.</p><p>The younger woman lowers her gaze and seems to mull it over.</p><p>“I think I would like that,” she murmurs into the direction of Rhea’s feet before looking up to meet her eyes again. “Uhm, would it count as a flimsy reason or excuse if I visit you because I would like to tell you things or share something I found curious or something?” she asks so achingly exposed. As if her heart might break if Rhea responds with something even remotely hurtful.</p><p>To their mutual surprise Rhea chuckles. “No,” she says smiling. “No that’s a perfectly fine reason. I would prefer it if you come with something on your mind you wish to share.”</p><p>Now Edelgard lowers her hands away from her face entirely and looks at Rhea with wide open eyes. “Really?” she murmurs tentatively.</p><p>“Yes, really,” Rhea reassures the trembling girl. “Would that work for you?”</p><p>Edelgard nods almost vigorously, causing a pang of an odd sort of endearment which surges through her heart.</p><p>Not good.</p><p>But that thought evaporates from her mind the second Edelgard breaks into a smile.</p><p>Without thinking Rhea smiles back.</p><p>Her smile seems to be what Edelgard needed to regain enough confidence to stand up again. Apparently she had slightly underestimated the strength and stability in her body after her earlier outburst of crying, so as she gets back onto her feet she wobbles slightly.</p><p>Out of instinct and habit Rhea reaches out to gently grab Edelgard on the side of her shoulder in an attempt to help her steady her.</p><p>Yet as soon as her fingers curl around the girls shoulder Edelgard lets out a screech of terror, yanks her shoulder away and takes several steps back to create distance between Rhea and herself.</p><p>Edelgard’s eyes are wide with fright, she looks almost like an animal desperate not to be caught.</p><p>It confuses Rhea tremendously, yet the first feeling which crosses her mind is the fear that she might have hurt Edelgard some way.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” she tries with worry induced urgency. “Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”</p><p>Without thinking she takes a step closer towards Edelgard, whose eyes widen even more in horrorstruck fear and takes more clumsy steps backwards. “S-stay away please,” she stammers hoarsely. “Please, Lady Rhea. <em>Please</em>,” she begs her in utter desperation.</p><p>Rhea freezes where she stands. “I’m sorry… I don’t understand…”she says, confused and at a loss of words herself. “Edelgard, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you. Please believe me,” she tries, unable to make sense of anything.</p><p>Her words jolt Edelgard out of her stupor. “<em>No,</em>” she cries out in agony. “No you didn’t do anything wrong… I just… I can’t be touched. I’m sorry… I just <em>can’t </em>bear to be t-touched<em>,</em>” she stammers with panic in her voice and eyes.</p><p>For a moment neither of them moves, Rhea remaining frozen in her tracks while Edelgard seems too tense and riddled with stress to move a muscle, but then the girl’s eyes nervously dart to the door, back to Rhea, where she holds their gaze a moment longer before she glances at the door again.</p><p>Abruptly she closes her eyes and sighs. It sounds forced.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she says rushed and breathlessly. “I… I have to go.”</p><p>With that she all but runs towards the door. “I’m really sorry, Rhea,” she mutters one last time without looking back.</p><p>A moment later the door falls into the lock behind her and Rhea is left alone, accompanied by a deafening silence and too many feelings swirling inside her that she cannot make sense of.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rhea spends the rest of the day alone with herself. And the day is spend with Rhea pacing back and forth in a restless attempt to make sense of what happened, alongside her own feelings.</p><p>She also tries to nap, but it’s in in vain.</p><p>So she tries to read, also in vain.</p><p>Eventually she just spends a good few hours laying on her bed, mostly staring at the ceiling as she finally finds the peace she needs to think. Occasionally she shifts to lay on one of her sides, just to lay more comfortably.</p><p>Finally she simply rolls onto her stomach and buries her head into her pillow.</p><p>And somewhere in between her thoughts she falls asleep.</p><p>She wakes up and it’s dark, meaning it’s at least somewhere past ten, maybe even eleven. Which means she missed dinner, something her stomach promptly agrees with her. Once she turns on the light she’s met with a tray with her dinner on it. It’s kept fresh with glass bowls covering it, while underneath it there are two tea lights to keep it warm.</p><p>So she eats her dinner around what she thinks is probably midnight now.</p><p>After that she cleans up a little and just goes back to bed again and quickly falls asleep.</p><p>When she wakes again she only has minutes before breakfast is being brought in, this time by a servant instead of Edelgard.</p><p>That doesn’t feel right to Rhea somehow.</p><p>And the fact that it doesn’t feel right irks her immensely.</p><p>Just like the rest of the day, which also irks her immensely.</p><p>She does find some peace of mind to read a little, and as a Nabatean going into short slumbers, or naps, has always been one of her many talents.</p><p>But it’s all just to pass the time.</p><p>Because she’s waiting for something</p><p>For what?</p><p>For Edelgard, of course.</p><p>Even though Edelgard literally fled her room the previous idea, with no promise of ever returning.</p><p>That thought doesn’t even irk her.</p><p>No, instead it <em>hurts </em>her in some odd way that doesn’t sit well with her.</p><p>Frankly it’s driving her insane.</p><p>But salvation, sweet, <em>sweet</em> salvation comes roughly an hour past her dinner, which she had eaten at eight in the evening sharp.</p><p>And salvation comes in the form of Edelgard, who is dressed down from her normally so regal attire.</p><p>Instead her hair is spilling free down her shoulders and she’s wearing a white evening dress, with sleeves that end where her hand begins. The bottom of the dress ends where her feet begin, yet still her feet are covered in indoor shoes and Rhea can see a slight part of what seems to be loose, cotton tights going up under her dress.</p><p>Oddly beautiful.</p><p>Yet...</p><p>Completely covered.</p><p>
  <em>Because she cannot be touched. </em>
</p><p>The girl greets her with a tentative smile and a little wave of her hand.</p><p>Her hand… the only thing that isn’t covered, as she has opted to not wear any gloves like she usually does.</p><p>Her hand… which is covered in straight white scars etched deep into the palm of her hand and disappearing underneath the edge of the white sleeve.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Suddenly things begin to make sense in Rhea’s head.</p><p>“I’m sorry for fleeing yesterday,” Edelgard says demurely. “I came with something to tell you, is this a convenient time?” she continues unsurely.</p><p>Rhea nods before she can speak. Six in the morning would have been a convenient time, really. She’s just so relieved that Edelgard didn’t just disappear from her life mere moments after Rhea offered to let her in. “No please, sit down,” she says and then considers that Edelgard might not feel safe to do so. “Or just make yourself comfortable however you want,” she says instead.</p><p>Edelgard nods and enters, gently closing the door behind her and walking towards Rhea’s bed, where she leans against one of the wooden poles.</p><p>“What do you want to tell me,” Rhea asks her, sounding perhaps a tad too eager as she sits on the edge of her bed herself, an appropriate distance away from Edelgard.</p><p>Edelgard takes a deep breath and seems to steel herself. She turns to face Rhea and takes her in carefully.</p><p>“I have come to tell you,” she starts and takes a brief moment to gather her courage. “Why I acted the way I did yesterday. …Why I can’t let other people touch me,” she says and averts her gaze. “Would you mind listening?” she asks softly, wistfully.</p><p>“Please tell me,” Rhea says without thinking. She’s not sure why but Heaven’s does she wants to know.</p><p>Edelgard looks at her a moment longer before nodding slowly.</p><p>And opens her mouth to speak.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My apologies, with me falling sick and wanting to focus on my bigger stories it took me a while before I could get back to this one.</p><p>Hope you enjoy it regardless.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Edelgard shifts her position, leaning against the bedpost and finding more stable footing.</p><p>She tentatively raises her hand the top of her hand turned to Rhea, who sees a puckered white faded circle of scare tissue there, along with several smaller ones marring Edelgard’s hand.</p><p>Immediately Rhea’s heart races as she worries about the state of the rest of Edelgard’s body. …Her hand alone is so severely damaged.</p><p>“I have scars,” is what Edelgard tells her, her voice serious but stoic. Her eyes are slightly dulled but her pupils are flickering rapidly in all kinds of directions and she’s blinks excessively.</p><p>She’s nervous, Rhea realizes and while it should come as no surprise considering her reaction to being touched the other day, seeing Edelgard nervous, insecure even, is always a surprise Rhea doesn’t expect. It makes her look vulnerable and that’s something the young woman is usually always desperate to prevent, and usually good at it too. No, this time she’s lowering her guard <em>willingly.</em></p><p>Edelgard seems to shrug off some of her nerves as her eyes regain more focus. She wraps both her arms around herself as she takes a deep breath and opens her mouth to speak.</p><p>Time passes excruciatingly slowly while Rhea feels a constant loud ringing in her ears as Edelgard, sounding hollow and as if she’s reading a page from a book, reveals to her what Rhea thinks she should have known all along.</p><p>She had learned of it when all the imperial children had suddenly disappeared.</p><p>She hadn’t thought twice of it, or considered investigating further, when it was said they had fallen ill and the healers were keeping them under close observation in an attempt to heal their mysterious illness.</p><p>She had only felt a twinge of sadness, of hurt for the children when only one had survived, too preoccupied with herself, her own losses, her own yearning.</p><p>After the Empire had begun to sever ties with Rhea she had been too bitter to want anything to do with the imperial household. Too hurt that the rulers of an Empire she had helped found were now turning their back on her. The Faith too was creating strain between the Empire and the Church, as if they secretly all stopped believing some time ago.</p><p>Not once had it occurred to Rhea that it wasn’t the royal family who was the cause of all of this but that her own enemies, the very same people who had been responsible for the death of her Mother and siblings, were once again working in the shadows to control others.</p><p>Ionius, and most likely his father already before him, had his hands tied as the Agarthans first threatened his family and then made good on that promise by carelessly experimenting on his children.</p><p>Guilt rips through her as Edelgard speaks of what she and her siblings went through, how she watched them die, how she hoped for death herself as she watched her hair gradually turn white.</p><p>Briefly she wonders if it was really a coincidence, or a miracle, that only Edelgard survived what she’s currently describing. Rhea knows enough of the scientific knowledge the Agarthans once possessed that they possess such extensive knowledge of both Crest magic and human anatomy that they wouldn’t accidently kill ten children, royal ones nonetheless, unless they were either truly desperate or had an ulterior motive.</p><p>And once Edelgard mentions how it was her maternal uncle, or rather an Agarthan impostor of her dead uncle, who made much of this possible and has since held a powerful position in her court that Rhea sees a very obvious motive.</p><p>Isn’t it easy if only your niece survives <em>and </em>suddenly becomes heir to the throne if you have grant plans for the Adrestian Empire to start the war?</p><p>Leave her motherless, her siblings dead and with a father so broken he wouldn’t know how to ever apologize to her, let alone be there for her. All they did was make a traumatized ten year old girl completely dependent on the people who would tell exactly what they want her to believe. Give her a truth to cling to in order to quell her pain and fuel her anger. Oh how they manipulated her, all the while telling her she was freeing herself and the world from being controlled.</p><p>And with no family left to support her or tell her otherwise.</p><p>Would it be more cruel to tell Edelgard of what Rhea thinks might be the true reason for her siblings’ deaths or to keep it from her?</p><p>She doesn’t get time to dwell on it because as she had been numbly listening to Edelgard, all the while her mind spinning with what all of this meant, she had forgotten to <em>look </em>at her.</p><p>There are only a scarce few seconds for Rhea to take in the sight of the Emperor and realize with dread that Edelgard, secluded as she is with her feelings, opened up <em>far </em>too much for what she’s able to cope with. All the memories and feelings she normally so ruthlessly suppresses have bubbled to the surface, and into her conscious.</p><p>Pale and trembling, Edelgard is still talking but hardly seems aware of it. Her eyes look numb at first glance but with a start Rhea realizes that they’re unfocused because a part of Edelgard is stuck in her mind, <em>reliving </em>the horrific things she spoke off.</p><p><em>“Edelgard!” </em>she exclaims impulsively, trying to snap Edelgard out of her stupor.</p><p>It works, the nervous prattling stops and recognition flashes in Edelgard’s eyes as they land on Rhea.</p><p>But while her thoughts might have turned back to the present, her feelings are still <em>there. </em></p><p>And at once they overwhelm her.</p><p>With a shriek she lurches for the bedpost, her hand desperately clasping around it in order to keep herself upright as her legs are trembling. Her other hand remains firmly around her own waist, fingers digging into the fabric of her clothes feverishly as she lowers her head in a strangled cry.</p><p>Rhea is up on her feet in less than a second, unable to see Edelgard as the Emperor who is holding her captive and instead just sees that much younger girl who was held captive herself instead.</p><p>Seeing someone having a panic attack and being overwhelmed by traumatic memories instinctively makes Rhea want to reach out to Edelgard, to embrace her or joist her out of those memories at the very least, and momentarily she forgets who the person across from her is and what she has done to Rhea.</p><p>But at the last moment she manages to stop herself, her hands already reached out, as she remembers just <em>what </em>Edelgard is remembering and how her fear of being touched resulted from it.</p><p>Rhea touching her would only make things worse.</p><p>“Edelgard,” she tries uncertainly, her hands awkwardly hovering between them. She has no idea what to say or do and when Edelgard doesn’t show any signs of having heard her either.</p><p>“<em>Edelgard!” </em>she exclaims, trying to sound as commanding as possible. “Look at me.”</p><p>The girl’s head snaps up to meet Rhea’s eyes with her own, looking at her as if their very connection is her lifeline.</p><p>“I… can you hold my hand?” Rhea tries and extends her hand to Edelgard. “Please do if you can.”</p><p>With panic in them Edelgard’s eyes dart between Rhea and her hand for a moment before apparently deciding to trust Rhea over her own mind as her hand shoots up and grabs the Archbishops hand, squeezing it tightly at once.</p><p>“Good, now come,” Rhea orders, almost sounding stern in her concern. Carefully she pulls Edelgard to sit down on the bed next to her, where the girl gasps for air with pained sound.</p><p>“<em>Rhea,” </em>she chokes out.</p><p>“Shhh, you’re here. Focus on me.”</p><p>Wide eyes train themselves on Rhea as Edelgard nods, panic still marring her face.</p><p>“Breathe,” Rhea tells her.</p><p>Edelgard takes a deep breath, then again and again faster and faster until her breathing becomes uneven once more and the momentary bout of calmness evaporates.</p><p>“No,” Rhea says when she notices. “Slow breaths. Follow mine if you need to,” she tells the girl, her voice clear but gentle as she tries to guide Edelgard through this.</p><p>The Emperor follows her advice like a lifeline, looking at Rhea and holding her hand tightly as she works on controlling her breathing and slowly she begins to regain control over herself.</p><p>When Rhea impulsively squeezes Edelgard’s hand as a comforting gesture Edelgard seems to jolt out of her memories completely and suddenly is aware of her surroundings once more. “Rhea,” she mutters, stuck between defiance and defeated acceptance. “Why does this always happen?”</p><p>The question seems to be aimed at herself than the Archbishop as tears well up in her eyes and she glances at the ground with a hollow look.</p><p>“Because you’re still affected by what they did to you,” Rhea says hesitantly, not sure how to explain her thoughts delicately to the other woman.</p><p>Something rebellious flares up in Edelgard’s eyes. “I am <em>not,</em>” she declares with vigor. “I got out, I survived and I got strong. I’m free from them.” It sounds accusing and Rhea immediately senses that if she’s not careful with her words she will deeply upset the Emperor, who would likely have every right to feel as such.</p><p>“That is not what I mean,” she begins, taking a moment to think of the proper words. “You got strong yes, but <em>too </em>strong. Or rather, you got strong in regards to things you do not needs to be strong for.”</p><p>Edelgard looks her over with narrowed eyes, seemingly unsure of what to make of Rhea’s words, if she’s being insulted or being complimented. “I don’t understand what you’re suggesting,” she eventually says, eyes now trained on Rhea’s face, defiant and ready to retaliate should Rhea say something that she will consider offensive.</p><p>“Your mind, your brain, it’s protecting you. All brains try to protect you, that’s instinct. If you touch a hot pan it’s your brain that tells you to pull your hand back without having to think about it, if you see something hard coming for your head it’s your brain who gives you the speed to put your arms in front of your face,” she explains, wanting Edelgard to see the whole picture before she makes it personal.</p><p>“You experience it in battle every day. Avoiding blows, finding openings, knowing when to attack, defend or retreat, those lightning-quick actions are your instincts supplying you what to do combined with all your years of practice and experience, it’s your instinct to survive, just like any human, like any being has. Everything wants to survive and so do you.”</p><p>A soft hollow laugh comes from Edelgard “Sometimes I doubt that,” she says softly, looking defiant but forlorn.</p><p>“Yet you’re still here.”</p><p>Edelgard looks up to look at Rhea. “Yes, I suppose you’re right,” she says, now with a small but genuine smile. “But what does that have to do with me being unable to touch other people?” she asks, her voice dull and clearly not expecting an answer that will be soothing for her.</p><p>“Your brain cannot think and see as you do, it only responds to what you feel and go through. It cannot think but it can draw conclusions based on your experiences. And when you were held down there -I’m sorry, stop me if it’s too painful for you to hear about this from me…” Edelgard nods and then shakes her head gesturing for Rhea to go on as her words have captured the Emperors interest.</p><p>“Well, down there you experienced things so horrific I cannot even imagine them, But I can see the results. Your behavior, your fear of being touched, that’s your brain still trying to protect you from what it was that was done to you in the dungeons.”</p><p>“But… but it’s been over ten years now” Edelgard says softly, looking miserable. “Why would my brain still think I’m there?”</p><p>“Because it cannot see that things have changed, all it knows is that being touched had caused you horrible pain and it’s ensuring that that never happens again by flooding you with fear whenever you're being touched.”</p><p>Edelgard looks defeated, leaning back slightly as she stares at the ceiling. “So that’s it then, I’m broken and forever stuck in that place,” she murmurs, her eyes glazed over and unfocused.</p><p>Rhea gently squeezes Edelgard’s hand again, drawing her attention. “Not at all, you’re not there anymore and while it might take time you can teach your brain that such excessive methods aren’t needed any longer.”</p><p>A short laugh comes from Edelgard, and not one of happiness. “And how could I possibly do that? I’m in the middle of a war… where would I even begin?”</p><p>Rhea glances down at where their hands are joined and gives Edelgard a meaningful look. “It seems you’ve already taken the first step.”</p><p>Edelgard looks dumbfounded to where their hands are entwined before she breaks into a small smile and dares squeezing Rhea’s hand in return, looking up to Rhea with calculated but shimmering eyes at her, proud of her own first step.</p><p>Within Rhea, her heart is suddenly beating rapidly, because of pride, because of care, because of…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Do hope I described trauma right, even if Rhea might not have taken psychology 101</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The most angsty prologue I've ever written. </p><p>Following chapters will have much more talking, varying from passive aggressive jabs to hissing to Rhea throwing Hot Takes into Edelgard's face.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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